Choosing your Ceremony and Reception Sites
by Diane Warner

Here are several things to think about before booking your ceremony and reception sites:

* Size of your wedding budget
* Whether you want to provide your own food or caterer.
* Wedding theme
* Whether you want your ceremony and reception at the same location.
* What type of wedding you want to have.

Let's take these one at a time:

SIZE OF YOUR WEDDING BUDGET
The most common wedding sites are churches, synagogues, private clubs, halls, restaurants and hotels. If money is a bit of a problem, however, you may want to consider these less expensive alternatives:

• Historical sites (call your local Historical Society for suggestions.)

• City, county or state facilities (senior centers, parks, rose gardens, museums, library or courthouse grounds, marinas, clubhouses, university or college facilities, etc.)

• Sites available through the Chamber of Commerce (private mansions, art galleries, Elks halls, privately-owned gardens, ranches or farms, yachts, botanical gardens, clubhouses belonging to gated or retirement communities, private campgrounds, etc.)

• National parks (such as Yosemite where you can be married anywhere in the park for a small fee.)

• Sites suitable for a very informal wedding, described later in this article.

The average cost of a ceremony site in the San Francisco Bay area, by the way, is $1,200, and the average cost of a reception site is $2,500, so you can see why many couples choose one of these more affordable options.

WHETHER YOU WANT TO PROVIDE YOUR OWN FOOD OR CATERER
Many reception sites require that you use their catering services, including the food, drink and wedding cake, plus their waiters and bartenders, their staff to cut and serve the wedding cake, their parking valets, coat attendants and security personnel. If this is what you want, fine, and many families book a site because of its fine reputation for quality food and services.

If, however, you would like to furnish some or all of the food and drink yourself, or if you would like to purchase your wedding cake elsewhere or, perhaps, you would like to use your own outside catering service, you will need to book a site that allows you to do so.

Fortunately, most of the less expensive reception sites listed above also allow you to have full control, which means that, not only will you save money on the site itself, but on the per-person cost of the reception food and drink.

WEDDING THEME
As I mentioned in a previous article, your theme will also help determine which ceremony and reception sites you select. If you have chosen a Victorian or Renaissance theme, for example, you may want to book an old chapel, an historic building, a castle or a restored B & B, or if you have chosen a Country Western theme, you may want to book a farm, ranch, a barn, or other outdoorsy country setting.

WHETHER YOU WANT YOUR CEREMONY AND RECEPTION AT THE SAME LOCATION
Often a ceremony site can double as a reception site, such as a church or synagogue that has a lovely indoor or outdoor facility for the reception. And, likewise, there are many reception sites that can double as ceremony sites, as well. In fact, there are very few reception sites where a ceremony can't be arranged. For example, The Lodge at Pebble Beach allowed my son and his bride to be married on the veranda off "The Library," the room where the wedding luncheon was held. There was no extra fee for the use of the veranda, and it turned out to be a perfect setting for a small wedding-- with the ocean and the 18th green in the background.

Another way to have the ceremony and reception at the same site is to have a "Venue Wedding". A Venue Wedding --sometimes called a "One-Stop-Wedding" -- is held at a site that provides an all-in-one wedding package with a coordinator who makes all the arrangements for your ceremony and reception at one location. The package usually includes everything in one price -- decorations, flowers, music, photography, videography, reception food, wedding cake and, in many cases, the services of an officiant, as well. It's really a very simple, practical concept, especially for the bride and groom whose demanding careers don't allow the time or energy necessary to plan a wedding from scratch.

It may take a bit of calling around to find one of these all-inclusive venues within a reasonable distance of your home. As I conducted my research, however, I found hundreds of these One-Stop-Wedding-Shops around the country They vary from hotels and resorts to inns, lodges, castles, mansions, country estates, B & B's, cruise and yacht companies, private clubs, wineries, restaurants and various nature and wilderness venues.

Some of my favorite Northern California Venue Wedding sites are Captain Walsh House in Benicia, Horn-blower Yachts throughout the Bay Area, The Hyatt Regency Resort in Monterey and Quail Lodge Resort in Carmel Valley, which happens to have one of the most romantic outdoor ceremony settings I've ever seen.

WHAT TYPE OF WEDDING CEREMONY YOU WANT TO HAVE
Formal or informal? Religious or civil? Indoors or outdoors? Traditional or non-traditional? Morning, afternoon or evening wedding? Number of guests?

Although many couples do not consider themselves to be "religious," 75 percent of all weddings in the United States are considered to be so, although you may choose to have a civil ceremony instead.

When it comes to formality, 51% of brides age 18 to 25 choose a "formal" wedding, as do 33% of brides age 26 to 35 and 14% of brides over 35 years of age. Obviously, the older the bride, the more informal the wedding.

Speaking of informal weddings, as I was researching for the "Hassle Free" book, I discovered that, because over 30 percent of all marriages today are second or third marriages, many of these couples prefer a less-traditional wedding. They feel that when they were married the first time, they had already "been there, done that," and now they want a more relaxed, stress-free, FUN wedding. These are a few of the informal weddings I "happened upon" during my research:

• beach party wedding

• A patio/pool party wedding

• A picnic-in-the-park wedding

• A wedding aboard a houseboat

• Surprise weddings during family get-togethers, including a family reunion, 4th of July picnic, Thanksgiving day,

• Christmas eve and Christmas day, and during their grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party.

• Surprise weddings during parties, including a Valentine's party, an engagement party, a co-ed shower, a New Year's Eve party and a singles' club party. There was even one couple, who were little theater cast members of "Annie Get Your Gun," who were married as a surprise during the final curtain call after their last performance of the season.

• On top of a Ferris wheel at an amusement park.

• On top of a billiards table. (The couple wanted to get married on top of the billiards table at the sports bar where they met. The entire wedding party managed to climb on top of the table -- looked pretty crowded to me!)

• In a '56 Chevy convertible during a Classic Car Show.

• At center rink before the start of a professional hockey game (the couple skated under an arch created by the hockey players' crossed hockey sticks.)

• At the top of a ski lift.

• While sky diving

• On the Internet

Finally, once you've decided on your sites, these are the questions you should ask before signing on the dotted line:

Ceremony Site:

* Fees?
* Equipment available (kneeling bench; sconces; candelabra; aisle runner; pew hangers; arch; floral baskets)?
* Services available (organist, altar boys; choir; pre-recorded music; sound system)?
* Restrictions (no smoking; no rice; no cameras during ceremony; no aisle runner; no elaborate decorations; cannot write your own vows; guests not allowed to applaud during recessional; must be married by one of their officiants; must have pre-marital counseling by their staff; must employ their wedding coordinator)?
* Dressing rooms available?
* What other events taking place that day?
* Adequate parking?
* Existing decor that can be used during the ceremony?
* Exactly what hours will the facility be available (allowing time to decorate)?

Reception Site:

* Fees?
* Equipment available (tables; chairs; linens; table skirts; utensils; serving dishes; coffee pots; punch bowl, etc.)?
* Services available (wait staff; parking valet; security personnel)?
* Restrictions? (no smoking; no rice; no confetti; cannot affix decorations to walls/ceilings; musical restrictions; cannot furnish your own food, drink, wedding cake, cake cutters, bartender, caterer, etc.)?
* If you are required to use their catering and staff services, exactly what will their fees include (in detail)?
* Adequate parking?
* Dressing rooms available?
* What other events taking place that day?
* Exactly what hours will the facility be available (allowing time to decorate)?

Good luck to you as you search for your perfect ceremony and reception sites.